My Journal

Sunday, February 5, 2012

School is going well. I'm continuing to meet new people. The food is good and very affordable. I'm waiting for the next weekend to get some feedback on how well I'm performing in the class as midterms are under way. The biggest thing that I've had a hard time with is figuring out the social ethic. I'm used to 50% constructive talking with 50% sarcasm. It's more like 100% encouragement and constructive here. I suppose that's awesome, it's just that I don't know how to do that with enjoyment.

Family is doing well. We are all moving on and forward. I've visited with the Finger grandparentals a couple times and I've visited my second Cousin Kim and family. Her kid, Claire, is just a happy camper. Along with Pete, we saw the Veteran memorial in San Diego It was totally worth it.

I watched the movie "The Ultimate Gift" recently. I was hoping to learn something new from it. What I got was that I am blessed with a lot of things, however, I don't know if I've ever had my day or given a day. I know I've attempted to give the gift of a day but it never worked out as I would have liked. However, I learned that I need to improve on many of the gifts, especially the gift of friends. I've got a great start however I just would like to do better. Social opportunities here I come.

I've gone on a few church exploring trips just to see how others do their thing. Two of them in Orange was the difference between night and day. The first one I attended was great. It was packed and the speaker had a charismatic and wholesome message saying that they need to serve more people, engage in a spiritual conversation. I wanted to give him a round of applause. I was impressed of such an outreaching message for a rather traditional setting. There was a choir, intense altar, professionally dressed people, families of all ages. There was plenty of activities going on around the building. It was a very healthy church. Everyone was helpful, also helpful at the second church. The second church was rather empty. The spiritual leaders, I thought, had a hard time explaining their thoughts in an educational manner. What they had to say was healthy, but I suppose if I wasn't interested in church stuff, I wouldn't be interested in the message. But the people there said that they were happy there. The nice thing about them being a small church is that I was able to talk to the speakers and there were more than willing to take time aside and talk about anything including homework help. Good people. The one in Irvine reminded me more of home. The pastor was ambitious; the music was contemporary; the rooms was more of a multi-use room; and the congregation was small; the environment was casual. I attendened their once a month men's bible study and I was impress not only with the number of men there, the range in ages and how through their conversations were.

I'm still holding on to TEAM material because I still think that their content is invaluable. I can't let go of my subscription. As a ministry leader, I don't know how I'll share it forward in a proper and righteous manner.

Looking for work is going slow but it is steady. after a month I've been in an interview for a paint store, a movie theater, and an interview for a restraunt is on the way. I'm thinking that designing webpages on my own will be a more sutible income as I'm attending college.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I've completed my first week at Concordia. All is well. It's a shock as to living in a different environment. New roads, new housing, new mentors, new relationship, new classes. I'm taking it one day at a time in a sense that I'm not making promises to meet with people except for school and my schedule isn't overbooked like it was in Windsor. I'm still trying to figure out what my classes are requiring of me. It's somewhat of a mystery since nothing has be graded yet.And another thing, because I am used to being a leader it is hard to attend a place, class, group as the newbie and making new friends. I suppose that is what I'm working on. (That sentence that I wrote may have been the final sentence but it is also the most revealing. *hug journal*)

A lot of my curiosity has been pondering the question of "What is my personality?" At work I would put on my "How can I help you?" face. At church I would put on my "Let's get're dun!" attitude. At home it would be.. what would it be? Homework? Check-in time with family and e-mail? Facebook time? Dream time? Listening time? ... Unwinding time? ... Hide out? Humm...

...When I am put in front of people I'm a leader. When I'm feeling like I'm in the hood I talk gansta, When I'm in business I sound professional. With I'm with kids I act like a kid. I remember that for some time I realized that I was spending time with people that were ether twice my age or half my age. The last time I really spent time with people of my own age was when I was working with thee Powell's Crew. That must have been like three years ago. The only time I can think of when I really was myself, no language filters were used, was when I was in my Sophomore year in High School and I was a happy go lucky kid wearing a Veggietales shirt on occasion walking around with a binder with information of "how to be a Christian" I suppose. (I think it's quite excellent as I recently rediscovered it). Over the summer I got to here what happens outside of my house. I was in shock and distressed with what I've heard. It was like something needed to be done to rid of the chaos. However, over time I learn that the best thing one could do is be an example and later I learned that becoming a leader in such an example is much more fulfilling. So I have the ability to define who I would like to be and lead other but who do I want to be. No matter what personality I choose, I will be annoying some other personality.

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death"

so how am I to earnestly care about the not so spiritual world?

Today I saw the Grandparentals of the Finger family. All is well. Sunday Service went well as the message was inspiring. Had lunch with them at Rubby's, and it was packed there too. That meant plenty of time to talk. There was school, work, family I was with them when Grandmother called my parents. All is well with them too. They TV got fixed :-).

I supose I just worry to much and should just find something to do when ever I get bored, even if it means going for a little cruise in my car.

Monday, January 2, 2012

I don't think I'll be aware that I'm leaving Sonoma County until about 2 months after I leave home. Or possibly, I've been dying to leave this area for so long that I'm already mentally gone. Ready or not, this Thursday, southern California, here I come.

It's now 2012 and either this is the time to thrive in new lands or it's just a tease before December 21, 2012 (jk about December). Anyways, a few Bible verses come to mind. In the beginning of Ecclesiastes chapter 3, it says "There is a time for everything. There is a time to plant and there is a time to uproot." Also Joshua chapter 1, verse 9 says "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you."

My room has been sorted through and much of my leadership has been passed on. I've been "retired" from employment for a few weeks now however I plan to get a job in southern cal.

I thought about putting together a video with the song "Photograph" by Nickelback playing as a the basis for the story line and taking pictures from my life in Windsor. That would be about twelve years to cover with my growth in Christ, waddling through school in Windsor High and the Santa Rosa Junior College. Showing the various relationship I've have through school, church, family, work and friend's friends. I could show how my church and had it's paramount and desolate times. I could show that I met a group of people that were willing to better other people through business practices and show that it is a thing of pride to run a successful business. I could show that my leadership skills in various areas. I could show how I had a good time "trying new things". But I think the best thing to do is to just put it all past me, keep the pictures privately on my hard drive and look forward to the future.

God created the heaven and earth and it was good.
Jesus paid for the price of our sin and it was good.
Sylvan is schooling at Concordia Irvine as it is good.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thank goodness that Thanksgiving is here. Homework is a bit on the steep end and now I get a break from it.

I'm at my dad's parents house right now. It's kind of weired to not be doing anything; on the other hand, it is refreshing.

Christmas spirit is a bit different this year for me. For one thing, it seems like I have everything I need, everything affordable that is. I do not have much of a Christmas wish list. Another thing is Christmas ads seem to be a bit annoying, of another world. Maybe it is because I'm out of the loop of what is the latest and greatest in consumer entertainment. It seems like it is just stuff that I would never use or don't need or would just get in the way. If anything I'd enjoy is just to spend time with people.

School is going well. Although it seems like an overload of homework, I'm getting excellent grades considering that I am not failing any classes. I'm thinking that this push may have been what I needed in grade school. However, it is better that I know now than later or even never. I'm still in the process of attending Concordia Irvine in the Spring of 2012. I'll find out more after this Thanksgiving as to what classes I'll be getting and so fourth.

My responsibilities at Vineyard of Faith are starting to get transfered over to other people quite smoothly. I wouldn't be surprised if the ministry gets better after I leave in a sense that people with more passion and more time will be able to make things innovative and fresh for the ministry.

I often think of love but I remind my self that it's okay that I am waiting for the perfect one. I think the top qualities this girl has are now Christian, strong, self-entertaining and original.

I hope to figure out the expenses to the Concordia as I am taking the first semester.

I constantly remind myself that I need to take interest in everyone like they a the most specialest person in the world. But I supose that it's just I wish I could spend all the time in the world with people but that is exactly what I am lacking, free time.

I hope to this December share the gospel and the power of owning a business with at least one person in every class. Philosophy may be rather tough to accomplish but the other I have a few names in mind that may have open ears. I supose I should start planing out the fine details that I must share with them.

I am finding that cell phones often break opportunities to make a new friend that is in class or in the shopping place.

I wish I could be confident in not being confident about what's going to happen tomorrow or any of the future.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

It's been a long time Journal. Where do I start? How about right now. Today I went to see my grandparents on my Mother's side. My aunt and uncle were there. It was good. They learned nuclear uno and it was fun. I still have a hard time talking to my family about issue I knew little about or little interest in but I think it was good.

Over night I stayed at my church. It was a church family camp-out. Though it was a three day event I was only able to attend for the night. I hoped that the church and I would have gotten something out of that night. I believe we did. I brought my VeggieTales pillows for fun and it was fun. One gal wanted Bob for a week and I agreed. It was a bit painful to let someone else be responsible for my stuff but it's no use having stuff that is just sitting around so I hope bob will make someone's week good. I also got kidnapped by some kids so that I can make the TV work to play a DVD. Aparently it wouldn't work with out me in the room so I stayed and watched the whole movine with them. It was a fun movie and the kids were fun too. Oh yea, and my laugh became someone's new ringtone. lol

I'm two weeks of school into this labor day weekend. I've read over 250 pages of book and I'm still alive. I think I will do well this semister as my reading skills are up and I have a better understanding of what a pastor is and how to live life accordingly. I know better what is importand and what is not. I know better who is worth my time and who is not. I'm also getting a kick out of my classes. I'm only two chapters in my Western Histor class and I've aleady seen how history repeats itself. When I showed up for the Intervarsity programs I didn't reconize too many students. The only thing that really seemed familar was the format of the program and a few of the returing leaders. Also when I went back, I felt old as I returned. Like the people there looked like kids. They are adults but to me they looked like kids. That triped me out. Also I'm able to tell easily who it insecure and who isn't. that's a trip.

I have not finished all my books for team but I may be able to use one of them in my health and welness class. That book is titles "How to win friends and Influence People". This will help my personaly assigned goal of making new friends. I hope that I can guide at least one person to truth this semester.

With all the finical chaos, I reazed that I'm still here and moving onward. I need not to worry about money becasue God will take care of me. The game of money is for the investors and bankers, not his people. It's gonna be alright. Let's live like there is no tomarrow. Christ is alive! Let's live under his wing and be a light unto the world!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

It's been quite a while since I've journaled last. School is coming soon and I don't think I'm ready to go back. I haven't got all of my personal growth check list done but on the other hand I got most of it done. So really, I'm more ready to go back to school than ever.

I'm plan on taking 18 units this Fall to see if I can take a semester with 18 units. Concordia wants me to take that many when I arrive even though I don't think I can handle it. A roller coaster ride is coming and it's less than a month ahead.

I got a new car last Monday because the transmission went out on the Ford Taurus. So now I have a 2000 Cadillac. It's real nice. I almost feel it's too nice. I suppose if I'm God's royalty I better start acting like it.

There's so much more I want to say but time is up. I'm not feeling well, just like last year at this time so at least I've got this much down.

I everyday I wish I wasn't single. I hope to find a solution to that as when I attend school I do not feel loved either.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I have some time tonight to continue what I was writing.

Love. It's a powerful thing yet mysterious. For some reason I still miss my high school fling if you will. It's been a few years now and I just seem stuck in the area of love. Maybe we've been though too much. The thing is that how can I be a spiritual leader if God's love isn't dripping off of me. In the perspective of the Christians, they can see that it's rooted in me. As for the non-Christians, I appear lost. After reading Francis Chan's books I've realized that though it has been much time I still need to tell God how I'm doing. It just seems too repetitive though. But it's more important that God is moving though me. So though my personality is not the same as it was in high school, it's getting better.

I started reading the Book of Concord today. There's quite a vocabulary in there. It stretches my mind. Through the introductions, I've gathered that it's been quite a project to provide the book for the twenty-first century american citizen. In the original document, it was quite a project just to get the darn thing written. It would have been much simpler if God just had a prophet to keep us up to date. I'll let God have it his way though.

I'm off to do a short trip for a friend. brb

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Today I was looking for a particular park. I did not find it so I went to a popular park on brooks road. I happened to me the Amavisca kids there so that was a pleasant surprise. I found a quiet spot to sit and read the Bible. Tommy was sitting in the bench adjacent to me and he got there the same time as I did which was kind of weird. He just hung out and didn't say or do anything. After I finished my bible reading I took a little time to take with him. He seemed like a guy with little hope so I did my best to encourage him to have a greater life and find his dream. I don't know if I motivated him much but I hope I expanded his mind.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

College is on the mind. I'm thinking I'll be attending Concordia college in the Fall. This Fall Semester. Last I heard they have a two year plan for me to get my bachelor's degree. They said it would require summer school but. I don't know. I'm waiting to hear from them as the councilors are attending a conference. I'm willing to go either way but I believe it's time for me to leave Familiar, the place I know, to go after my dream, or God's dream. It's time to stop looking for good and go for the great. I'm not finding my niche her in Sonoma County either.

I'm in hope that my church is doing to perform a youth service for the first time in a while. As ministry has been more of something bland and routine, I'm hoping that the youth will be able to expierence the living God in this service.

I don't know what to do with TEAM MonaVie as their event have been constantly conflicting with my churches events. Without TEAM I don't know if I'd be set on my way to seminary as soon as I am and at the same time, I don't want to leave my church hanging. They are all ready unsure of what they are going to do when I leave. I think with my church they'll figure things out when their's a void in work. I think God will take care of them just fine, especially if they continue the Youth Service without me. I hope that maybe I'll be able to build up the TEAM business in the Irvine area as there are more people to talk to. I believe there is growth down there still.

There is this new gal at work who's name starts with a "C". She is a Christian that plans to be a nurse. I realized that I seem to get along with the gals who want to be a nurse. I suppose it is because they too like helping people. On the other hand I notice I get along better with people who want to be social workers. They want to deal with people's crap and encourage those people to live a better life. That is my hope that I can do with people as well but working for the government isn't something I'm interested in. I feel like I am some where in the middle where I'm willing to deal with people's crap but I'm not going to join them. I do have a "I know better than them" personality, but I don't know how to connect with them. I wish I could, and I believe TEAM is helping me with that. That's why I don't want to let them go. "Lord I pray that I can be a leader and encourager for those who are discouraged." I hope that I could find someone at Concordia that wants the same and may even already have that ability.

Now would be a good time to talk about the dream that I believe is for me. It's to find a parter. Have as many kids as God will allow. ;-) We will always be looking at the big picture and remember that we are to a lite of Jesus to the world. I put a convertible car in there to so that we could lift our hands with the top down so that we can praise Jesus. I put a house over a hill so that we can be the light. My wife's hand and mine are connected and lifted in the air towards a beacon of light as a symbol that we are working together with the help of God to make a difference.

I hope that God would give me a provide for my schooling expenses as I go on this journey of becoming a Pastor, an encourager and healer.

You know Moses had quite the resume. He was a doctor, a judge, a governor, a deliverer and a preacher. That just changes my perspective of what a ministry leader is. After all, God does have all the answers. We just have to be ready and willing to listen.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Today is memorial day. I don't know what to do or what I'm supposed to do. I suppose I'll attempt to make time for an American war film on my mental day off, Wednesday.

What really got me thinking was my high school graduation. Maybe because it's that time of year or maybe I know quite a handful of people graduating from high school or maybe it's because I'm try to make it work so that I can attend Concordia Irvine. Nevertheless, I'm hung up why I wasn't excited about my graduation.

On my graduation day I was expecting a breakfast with my class mates, a lunch with my family and a ceremony at the high school. Not one of them I was particular fond of. I think I was more worked up over my confirmation Sunday than my High School graduation. I knew I wasn't going to see most of my classmates again, but it's not like I admired them, if there were any. Maybe I was just not grateful. I know I wasn't terribly grateful for the education. It felt like a certificate for doing my time, but I knew my time wasn't over yet as college was approaching. It's a certificate for saying I know how to do math, science, English, history and other electives, but I don't know what use they are. In math I heard that the best is yet to come in calculus, in English I was not encouraged to write about the one who created all, in science I learned about how to think as if we have control over God's earth as if we are gods, and in history I learned how to complain and protest about anything that sounds good to me. Many times I wanted to speak up, but I know it's wise not to challenge the teacher. After all, a teacher is mostly just trying to do their job. Well, many of them are. Hope is what I suppose I was looking for in high school, but a majority of it was how to be politically correct.

In the real world, not much is politically correct wihen it comes to conversations. Many people want to be treated as a friend over a respected acquaintance. If this is what schooling has been about for quite some time then no wonder America is having a hard time dreaming. Our dreams are taught to be kept as a personal thing and not encouraged to invite one another. But just ask any software company and they'll say it takes much more than one person to create a masterpiece. It takes a large community with a dream. So what's the dream of America?

Maybe Mat Kearney says it best in his song Girl America. She's so caught up in doing stuff, meaningless stuff, Much of the is not healthy as her people try to "cheat to success". I don't think the founding fathers created a new country to be filled with stuff. It's freedom. So we wouldn't have to be filled with stuff to do. I guess times have changed and the way people make a living has significantly changed. But I just have a hard time looking for freedom, let alone looking for people who want the same.

So back to my graduation. Would I have a better schooling experience if I had been any better if I had graduated in a private school? Maybe. But I'm just coming back to what's the point of schooling? People have to be eighteen to start training for a career of their passion? I just remember at my graduation it seemed like there was more hope and fulfillment in running off to some land where living was affordable and I could have my significant other than staying in a place that just seems to offer little opportunity. But where is that land? I don't know. Many people I talk to that are of great age love the land in Sonoma County. I don't know what would be better for me. Lord I pray for guidance with my friends, my family, and my destiny.